måndag, september 23, 2013

Det är lite tungt nu... Var ju inte så här livet skulle bli. Den där dagen när du föddes, mitt älskade barn som jag väntat på så länge. Som kämpade mot alla oss för att bli till. Som envist klamrade sig fast trots olyckor och tragedier. Som överlevde förlossningen trots att oddsen var tuffa. Som vi kämpat ihop. Mot sjukdomar. Mot mobbing av både vuxna och barn. Mot de som försökt utnyttja dig. Som missbrukat din godtrogenhet och ditt öppna hjärta. Ett hjärta jag tidigare alltid kunde nå och värma. Trösta. Men nu är du så fjärran mig ibland. Stänger mig ute. Låter mig inte hjälpa dig. Utom när skärsåren är för djupa och blodet inte slutar rinna. Då kommer du. Jag plåstrat om. Pratar. Försöker förstå. Och du gråter. Vill sluta. Just då. Men så kommer dagen igen. Skalet kommer fram. Ditt hjärta stängs och du går in i den värld ditt jag inte får följa med. Jag kan bara vänta. Och hoppas att du kommer till mig igen. Låter mig hjälpa dig. Innan det är för sent. Innan såren blir för djupa. Smärtan för stor.

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